Saturday, May 17, 2014

The Secret

So because I had said to Mom and Dad what Grandpa had done, the secret came out. My Mom finally revealed that her Dad had raped her since she could remember. Now the "good touch, bad touch" talk made sense. She never wanted to talk about it. It was very difficult for her to understand that it wasnt her fault, that she had done nothing wrong. She really and truly thought she was the only one. Its sad that she felt so alone. Its even worse that when her truth came out, so did her sister's. He had violently and methodically molested and raped my mom and two Aunts. One of my Aunts can not have children. The other has been in non healthy relationships. My mom, looked for love in all the wrong spots. My Dad, brother and I were all there for her. It just wasnt enough. How could it be?! The person that is suppose to protect you and comfort you took your security, your peace of mind. He taught her sex is love, and it effectively ruined who she couldve been. Dont get me wrong, she was a great Mom to us. We were always clean and fed. She made most of our clothes, years later she made all of my homecoming dresses. She was a master seamstress. She was also an artist.  My favorite movie as a kid was Wizard of Oz, so Mom painted a mural around my room. They were all on the yellow brick road, every character. Everyone came to admire her work. Kind of ironic, where was that yellow brick road when she needed it?!
So back in that day, pedophiles went to mental hospitals, off Grandpa went. That made me feel like I had done wrong. I got everyone mad at Grandpa and now Mom is
super sad. I know not my fault, however who's ever been able to control their emotions, especially at 4 yrs old. So now everyone knows the secret. Lots of pity and judgement flying my moms way. I have to admit later in life, I judged her too. Shameful. I will get into that more next time. But for now Grandpa is out of our lives. Little did I know, shit was gonna hit the fan.