Thursday, June 19, 2014

It's over???

I am very confused as to how I should feel right now. As only a little snippet of my story has been shared, heres some heavy shit. So on 6/15/14, and very fitting I think that it was Fathers day,........The pedophil,  the ruiner of my life, my Mothers invisible murderer, the victimizer of any girl he could get his nasty hands on, finally DIED. I wish there would be a grave to dance on. The man had Parkinson's disease and cancer. Apparently the cancer spread and ultimately killed him. I hope it was painful. But seriously, he couldnt have died a year and 4 months ago?! Maybe my Mom wouldve been able to move on had the fuck been gone. Sorry for the language. Im pissed. Where does he get off having peace while I am stuck in this hell on earth, thinking about how he may have gotten redemption and may be in heaven victimizing my mom all over. Or does she know hes dead, has she forgiven him. A whole host of questionsare raised for me. This isnt even close to being over, there is no such thing as closure. There is no magical time that heals all. There is no fairy godmother. And there is no loyaltyto the ones that deserve it. He gets to be cremate and have a memorial service, OH and yes... he also gets an obituary with a fairy tale of how he was a father and brother and all that. And of course no one respects the honor of my Moms memory or respects my wishes. My moms side of the family had the nerve to list my mom in his obituary. The person she most feared, the person she hated the most, the thief of her ssecurity and childhood, was able to victimize her once again thru his family (they obviously weren't moms) with a fictional writingof his life. He, like the Devil, killed and destroyed. He created depression, dispair, disfunction, warped ideas about love. He stole childhoods, sisterly love, brotherly love. He stole my Mom from me and my brother  as children. She stole my Dads wife, my Grandmas daughter. Why did she get forgotten and forsaken by her family, and he gets a fairy tale. I feel like posting his name so that it can be known that he was scum, a putrid human being. He was not my Moms father. And now I question whether my step dad was stupid enough to list him as her father and I can not bring myself to read it to find out. Im so angry. I can not adequately express what I feel or how badly I want someone to pay for this. I must remember I cant controle everything. I wish I had an answer.

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